This is an open letter to all the moms out there because we all need to be reminded from time to time that we are enough and I’m here to remind you that you ARE a good mom.
Chances are if you’re here, reading this right now, it’s because you’re questioning yourself as a mother so please, stop questioning yourself and read on, you’ll find out that YOU ARE ENOUGH.
I want to start off with saying we all experience it. That oh so nasty feeling of feeling like we’re not enough, like we’re failing as mothers. Impatience, exhaustion, not enough “you” time, etcetera, etcetera. They all play a role in how you perceive yourself as a mom. You’re not a bad mom for questioning yourself as a mother, you’re actually completely normal. The way I see it, if we’re questioning if we’re enough for our kids then that means we care and caring is the main part of being a mom. Caring means we love and loving our kids is the best thing we can give them.
The main point to remember is if you’re doing everything you can at the best level you can do it and your kids are fed, clean and happy then you ARE a good mom so give yourself a break.
You’re NOT A Failure
Beating yourself up thinking you’re a failure won’t do any good for you or your kids because it brings you down. Being a mom is a hard job so rather than beat yourself up, give yourself a pat on the back. You’ve literally been doing all that you can for your kids since the moment of conception and that means a lot.
You may feel like you’re not doing enough as a mom, maybe you skipped on the daily bath, or tossed something easy together for supper because you just didn’t have the energy to make a whole homemade supper. That’s OK too! You’re allowed to be tired. You’re taking care of tiny humans who seem to do everything possible to take every last bit of patience and energy from you. It’s not like you didn’t feed them supper and skipping on bath time once in a while won’t hurt anyone. We skip showers once in a while and we’re all still alive to talk about it aren’t we?
The More, The Merrier
If you have more than one child the feeling of not being enough seems to get even worse in my opinion. The kids fight over toys, yell at each other, end up being in a horrible mood and it’s not easy taking care of little ones when they’re grumpy. That is not YOUR fault. That’s just kids being kids but we out it on ourselves in a way of thinking “maybe I couldn’t done better at bringing them up”. That’s not the case, you’ve done great but kids are kids. They will test the waters to see how far they can go because they don’t understand life yet.
Kids need to test and have temper tantrums in order to learn how to behave properly. We’re not born knowing this, it’s our parents who taught us how to behave when we get stressed or angry and it’s the same case for our kids so when they start to be testy with you, remember that it’s not your fault, it’s not because you’ve brought them up wrong. It’s our job to teach them that it’s wrong to behave that way. I can say, even for myself that I’ve not always addressed it properly either. Exhaustion and stress gets the better of us sometimes and that OK, we are human and we ARE good moms!
Oh, Sweet Bedtime
The clencher is when it’s bedtime and they’re still doing everything possible to take every last bit of energy you have left (as if it’s even possible by the point) and you just keep thinking that soon they’ll be in bed, which means it’s almost time for some quality “you” time only for them to keep getting back up for the next 2 hours. “I’m thirsty, I’m hungry, I have to go to the bathroom, I can’t sleep, I can’t get comfy” all the while, you’re trying to hang on to your last bit of sanity, thinking “maybe you should’ve eaten supper instead of telling me you weren’t hungry” and “how in the WORLD are you NOT tired yet?!”
In my experience, bedtime could be the most stressful part of the day. The day is nearing the end and all we can think of is sitting down to relax and unwind but there’s STILL a barrage of arguments to go through because, let’s face it, kids don’t like going to bed. More likely than not, we have good days with our kids too but after some of those horrible days when it’s just one thing after another bedtime seems so much harder.
Patience is running thin at this point. Tempers are flaring because they really are tired and so are you but guess what? You’re still there for them, you’re still doing everything you can for you kids. YOU ARE A GOOD MOM. Even if you’re completely exhausted and feel like your head will blow right through the roof, you’re still being the mom that they need so think of that instead of feeling like you’re not enough.
Funny how once the kids are quiet and asleep we really start to beat ourselves up about how we could’ve been better, could’ve addressed situations differently, could’ve been calmer, could’ve, could’ve, could’ve right? Truth is, maybe we could have but you know what? Were human and humans are far from perfect and this is now “you” time. It’s time to take care of yourself and refresh your batteries for whatever craziness lies ahead tomorrow because you’re a mom and that’s what we do.
You can’t expect to be a perfect mother. Is there actually such a thing? No human is perfect so why do we think there should be perfectionism as a mother? We beat ourselves up left and right and left when in reality our kids see us as everything. They may not show it but they really do care about us so we should care about ourselves too. We should stop beating ourselves up and realize that perfectionism in motherhood has a different definition.
If you take a moment and think about it wouldn’t a perfect mother be a mom who cares about her kids? Makes sure her kids have everything they need? Makes sure they’re as happy as they can be (not taking into account that kids can be unhappy because their sock isn’t on right, again, not your fault). A perfect mom is a mom who’s there for her kids and make sure they’re healthy, happy and safe. That’s perfectionism in motherhood.
Seeing as how you found this page, you’ve read through it and you made it here, all the way to the end, you ARE a good mom! Try not to be so hard on yourself and just remember, we’re far from perfect but for as long as you keep making sure your kids are healthy, happy and safe, you are perfectionism in their sweet little eyes.
Keep on keepin’ on mama, you’ve got this!
Thanks for reading and I hope this made you feel like you are enough because you most definitely are 🙂
If you liked this post and found it to be helpful or enlightening, please don’t forget to share with all your mom friends so they know they too are enough. Have an awesome day ladies!